i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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