My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
