Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
