How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
