i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
