You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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