he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
