went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
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I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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