I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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