It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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