Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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