he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
