my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I currently don't understand fingers.
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