Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
