Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
even my farts smell like vagina
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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