Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
