Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
