My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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