Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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