did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
