just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
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Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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