fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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