I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
