Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As shirtless as possible
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
