She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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