I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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