Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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