I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
