Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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