I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
