so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I checked into jail on foursquare
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
