Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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