just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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