A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
