Moan for me like Helen Keller
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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