I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
