Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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