And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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