have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The air taste purple.
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