Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
