Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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