Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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