I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
