Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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