he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
