she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
