i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
