i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
