He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
