Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
