This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
