He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
