Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
