I'm gonna have a badass scar
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
