Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
