I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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