dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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