You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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