What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
