You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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