nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
