I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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