I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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