Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was like eating out sand paper
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are the jesus of drinking
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
