you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
