I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
