with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
