so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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