She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
