Got a toothbrush?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
