Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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