Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
