She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
