Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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