are you still at the devil's house?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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