Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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