sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hippo gnu deer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
