I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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