i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
